The Untold Stories
Name: Billy Children: 0 Age: 43
Cultural Background: Anglo Saxon
When I was introduced to Billy I saw a youthful, vibrant, positive woman in kahki pants and a flannelette long sleeved shirt. Her speech was naturally eloquent.
This is her story:
Name: Alison Age: 39 Children: 12 Grandchildren: 6
Cultural background: Torres Strait Islander
I first met Alison out in the patio of the Women's Centre, sitting with three other friends sipping on a coffee. She was bright, bubbly, humorous and straightforward.
This is her story:
The interviews
I had a rough childhood, I suppose rough is how you could put it. My dad worked in the railroad and my mother always worked any job she could. My mother left my dad when I was two, because he was violent. So we moved from Charters Towers to Sydney to get away from him. I was sexually assaulted from the age of two to thirteen. That's why I started jogging in the early hours, I needed to get away from that. When I told my mum, I was chucked out. She walked down the hallway, it was as big as a cricket pitch, and got my bags and chucked them on the street and told me to "fuck off".
I went to King's Cross and lived on the streets for 6 months. I had had a drug addiction since I was seven, I had sold my body, slept on boxes and went home with people so I could just have a shower and roof over my head. There wasn't much help back then. I remember waiting for the food van on the cold Sydney streets and learning to steal. One night my older sister's boyfriend, who was the head bouncer at King's Cross, found me at McDonalds. He said, "You're a Saylor girl, I'm dating your sister." I didn't believe him, thought he was a weird stalker or something, until he showed me a picture of her on his phone, then he called her and she ordered me a cab. I lived with my sister, the house was in her name, I was just a tenant who payed rent and did the chores. I had my first son at fifteen and a day old, the day after my birthday. My sister helped me out. My mother came to the hospital to see the baby and she said "now if you want to sleep with men this is the result, you have to look after this baby for the rest of your life now. Learn some responsibility." She's always been a bitch, mother always had an ulterior motive. Later on, my sister came home and had an argument with me about the curtains not being cleaned properly, so I bashed my sister. That was the first time I'd ever stood up for myself. So I had to leave that place.
My first partner was a good fella, he was a Green Beret in the army. I had five children to him, when I lost a son who died of Sudden Infant Death Syndrome my partner bashed me. His grief turned into rage. I left him and became homeless again. I was pregnant again with twins and had nowehere to go.
At twenty-one I was living with a man who burnt down my house and all my Law books. I was studying Law. He became a junkie later on in life. Lucky the father of my kids had taken them away the day before.
Then I moved up to the Torres Strait Islands, island hopping and partying, moved out the back of my dad's home, went and bought a big fat old tent. I met my ex husband who knew my cousin and we used to hang out around the fire. We used to drink a lot, we were alcoholics and drug addicts. Living on the streets, you have to be tough. I was placid most of the time, but if you pissed me off I got aggressive.
I worked all day and partied all night. I worked as a yard person and teacher's aide and cleaner at the school, with my three cousins; the three musketeers. There were only 70 kids at the school in those days. I got up at 5am nearly every morning, drunk my coffees and cleaned up the school. There was a great view from the school of the other island. That's the only time my mum ever helped me, but she was getting something out of it. I was paying her nine hundred bucks a week. At night sometimes we would go fishing for cray fish. I was living in a tent with my four kids. The worst thing about it was the cold showers, but the view was beautiful.
Eventually, the aunties got worried about the kids so they went and lived in the house. Their dad was very anal and quiet and didn't like to party, he'd always say "can we go now?" So we ended up moving to his island, it was isolated and only his family lived there. We then moved to Sydney, then Townsville (to move back to the Torres Strait) but he was violent, so I left him.
One day he smashed the windscreen of my car while I was pregnant, the baby was in the backseat bawling her eyes out. I got out of the car, put the baby on my hip and walked off. I always called the police when he was violent and that didn't seem to work, so I called Lifeline. With my last fifty cents in my pocket I called and they put me through to the Women's Centre. It's the best fifty cents I've ever spent. The Women's Centre found me and my children a spot in the Women's Shelter, then a few organisations put their heads together to find me accommodation and that's how I've ended up with a permanent home today.
When I look back now I realise that it felt safe to be homeless in the Torres Strait, but not back on the mainland. I didn't sleep for days when I was in Sydney, always looking to protect my children. It was horrible that when I was homeless I always had to have an emergency exit plan. It's a relief to not have to worry about that anymore.
Twelve years ago I decided that I wasn't going to be anyone's victim. I'd rather be homeless than in a home with violence. I teach my children to be safe by having a buddy and staying together. But most of all, the love needs to be in a household or children feel like they are strangers in their own homes.
I would never change anything about my life, even the homelessness, because it has made me the person I am today. I have learnt that being a grandparent is eye-opening and it takes a community to raise a child. My family does not consist soley of my family. I've been a mum and dad to my kids their whole life, it's just been me, because even when their fathers were around they weren't there.
Not everyone knows about the services available to the homeless community and they need to know. More facilities are needed. Education in the schools needs to include life skills which teach you how to control anger, have confidence in yourself and have a positive self-esteem.
Name: Kay Kahu Age: 34 Chlidren: 3 Cultural background: Aboriginal
Kay Kahu is an enthusiastic talkative woman with a passion for women's rights. This is her story:
I came from a broken marriage. I was raised by my father. My mother left my father for another man when I was seven. She came back when I was eleven and wanted the kids back. My mother was screwed up from her childhood; it's funny how history can repeat itself. My stepmother used to say that I was a slut, just like my mother. My mother was physically abusive and I was angry at her for leaving. Mum told me too much about her private life too young. A lot of my issues stem from my mum’s issues.
I left home and was self-sufficient at fourteen. My parents weren’t interested in my life and there were too many rules. Mum treated me like an adult half the time and then embarrassed me the rest of the time, we were always fighting. At fifteen I fell pregnant to a twenty-one-year old man and moved in with him. He was a lazy drug addict, who was physically abusive, had mental issues and spent all our money on drugs. I basically did it on my own.
I came home one night from a Tupperware party and found my eight month old son playing in vomit, while other people were lying around passed out. The front door was wide open when my son was at an age where he could’ve easily crawled onto the road. I threw my boyfriend out the next day.
At eighteen I got on my feet again. I met my second child’s father. I thought it was love, because he gave me money. I’d never had that before. He was physically abusive, possessive and jealous. I became pregnant at nineteen and thought that maybe after we got married it’d get better, but it didn’t. We moved to try and get rid of the bad influences on him, such as the older woman that he was cheating on me with. They’re now living together and they won custody of my second child in 2008. I stayed in hospital for a month after giving birth to that baby, because the nurses and doctors knew I was being physically abused at home and they wanted to protect me. When I got out of hospital and found out that he was physically abusive to the children as well, I left. My daughter told me that she had been molested and she had gotten an STD. When I took it to the police she didn’t want to talk to the big middle aged man that they provided to talk to.
After eight years of being controlled I realised that I did not want to be controlled by a man. I’ll get myself out of my own hole. I hope that the Women’s Centre can help me move forward. I had been told so much that I was a bad mother that I had started to believe it.
About a year ago I got a new boyfriend, who also had a drinking problem in the past, who got me sober. When you drink you don’t realise you have a problem. I couldn’t have fun without alcohol. It is easy to slip back into drinking, but I’ve now got a lot more self control, I feel more empowered. I used to hide my drinking from my children; I drank when they went to bed. I used it as a coping mechanism.
Finally I had gotten myself back together. I nursed my grandma who had dementia, until she passed away. I was looking at buying a house with my Centrelink money. But then they cut of my child’s payments after my ex said he was looking after her for the year. I’m looking after his daughter now; we’re living in a caravan park. Dad is helping me to pay the rent and the Women’s Centre is also helping with vouchers. I’ve applied for jobs and nothing has happened. I can’t keep using the caravan park’s generosity and my ex husband is getting more child support than I can afford.
My parents were very dysfunctional; we travelled a lot for my father’s work. When I was young there was inappropriate stuff with a neighbour’s older relative and lots of fighting with my parents.
My father virtually forced my Mum to have an abortion when I was five. I was the oldest so I was always trying to defend my Mum and take care for my brothers.
At age seven my father left, my Mum was pregnant and broke down. My Aunty and Grandma travelled hours to rescue us; they packed us up and took us all HOME to my Grandparents Place. My Grandma asked my Dad to take responsibility for his family, and he did come back.
My grandparents were always welcoming, they didn’t judge people. It’s so important for a kid to have positive role models who are stable, for me it was my grandparents; their home, the animals and the land they lived on. I always had somewhere to go if things got bad. They have both passed away now and my Uncle sold their home, which has impacted my life, really changed that sense of security.
Around 19 my father moved out, I was lost and confused, I always wished he would go but when he did I was upset. He used this to convince me that he was someone different, someone I should feel sorry for and love, someone I could trust.
My Mum broke down and I ventured out on my own trying to find some stability somewhere, I tried to focus on good things away from my family. I kept coming back, in my heart I wanted to fix things, and each time I would go away with more wounds and more confusion.
My twenties and thirties were emotional times, I wanted family and support, but it wasn’t there. I learnt the hard way about my father. I had a career and put everything into my work. I didn’t have grounding or confidence. But through work I did meet good people and they saved me from some really dark times and also revealed that my family wasn’t the norm.
I am currently living in an old train carriage in someone’s back yard, its small but I’m not complaining, it’s better than where I was in the past. I have more than I had before, be nice to have an oven though. I’ve had a pretty rough couple of years, a lot of things happened. My whole life seemed to do a 360 degree turn. I was left with post-traumatic stress and trying desperately to find some hope in a better direction.
Help came from my Doctor and Headspace counselling and re-education avenues. I participated in Uniprep week and felt inspired but struggled with confidence. At the time I was in temporary accommodation while the owner was away and needed to move in the next few months. I was pretty stressed about moving. When you have low self-esteem you tend to feel less inclined to pick things that are necessarily the best for you, especially if you feel pressured to make a decision, (in your mind it’s a bit rose tinted).
I answered an ad ‘looking for a mature person’ I wanted to be settled before a pre Uni course started. A new job came up too, I felt excited about my future for the first time in a long time. I moved into a house with two people around my age, the female was very intimidating, and the male was an alcoholic who walked around with a towel around his waist. It was awful. They drank and partied and played loud music till the early hours. I came home from work one day and they were drinking in the pool, they had been there all day. I kept to myself and later went to make some dinner, the man unexpectedly came from behind me and was bare chested he moved forward and pressed me against the kitchen bench and putting his arms around my chest. I immediately twisted away and said "please don’t do that" and he gave me no apology but a sick grin, like he had every right to do that. I felt very uncomfortable and afraid.
The next day he asked me to move as my personality was not ‘amiable’. I had already started looking for another place before this but found it hard with having a pet. The intimidation increased over the next days and he threatened to throw my gear onto the street, even though I had paid rent in advance. I went to the police and they said there was nothing they could do as I was not on the lease. They suggested calling a Rent Assistance Information number. I left feeling really at a loss with no protection for my possessions and my pet. I called the rent people and thankfully was informed that the rent assistance form I had given to Centrelink with the address and name and signature of the man at this house was a legal document and gave me some rights and protection.
When I came home the two of them went at me, I said I need more time, but when I tried to speak they spoke over me, I ended up in my room and put a stick against the door. I called the police as I was petrified they would put my things on the street. Things got bad and the police eventually arrived, they saw my reality and both officers reassured me, at first they thought they could not help but when I mentioned the Centrelink form they then had grounds to defend my situation. I also explained the sexual advance, I didn’t think I could do anything but they said I could make charges, I was really afraid he would know if I did, I had to stay that night at that house, I had nowhere to go and my pet was there and I was so afraid they may hurt her. I went to the police station and filed charges. That night I locked myself in my room and felt like my whole world had exploded.
I went to Centrelink the next morning and the front desk person treated me like I was nothing, even when I burst out crying, I felt completely helpless and asked for a counsellor. She was lovely, she listening to my situation and acknowledged how very real my need for help was. She called emergency accommodation places, but nothing was available, she assured me she would keep trying throughout the day and took my work number, as I had to work that afternoon. I went to Uni and spoke with the student services officer and also the lady in the accommodation department both were really kind, but again no accommodation. I found it hard to ask for help at Uni, I felt embarrassed and didn’t want this new path and people to know I had trouble. I moved unessentials to a storage shed a friend had. I went to work trying to keep a happy front and was welcomed by a call from the lady at Centrelink who had organised accommodation at a motel, they knew I was coming, I could move after work. Her help was a vital turning point, it shone some light and her effort meant a great deal to me. It was $230 a week with no meals but I had a place to sleep and be safe. I moved after work and finished at midnight in a disused motel room, very small with a little fridge, a microwave and an old single bed. I managed to fit my desk in, had to give my cat to friends and washed dishes in a bucket. I spent 6 months there, the motel owners and their staff were very kind. At times the room did feel like a prison, and at times I felt frustrated and angry at the people who treated me badly and forced me to move into a place like I had committed a crime, it did not seem fair. Not just emotionally hard, but financially too. However, in the end you appreciate the little things in life, like having my cat back and having a kitchen sink =).
The good from the bad was the door that opened at the Women’s Centre and the counselling that followed, I don’t feel so alone now, it’s so vital to have the support of someone hearing you and listening who also enables you to grow from the inside with sound reasoning skills to encourage your own positive direction. Services such as the Women’s Centre and many others are so very important, I hope the government will honour the dedicated and challenging work these beautiful people do. The sexual assault charges took a long time and I decided to drop them, finding it too stressful and just wanting to get on with my life. I’m not saying that it was the outcome I would have liked, but unfortunately the system is conflicted with some gender mentalities.
Now I’m hoping to find a home with more space. To have a sense of security and privacy, be nice to have a herb garden and share a house with another person who treats me with respect. I’m still exploring career options, its important my work works with my soul; by helping the world in some positive way. I’m not quite confident enough to do a Uni degree, but hopefully a diploma… the help from some fantastic teachers and some Uni lecturers is certainly building that confidence.
My experience is relatively small compared to what I see for some others, my heart goes out to anyone who is homeless. Homelessness can happen to anyone, when you are homeless you feel vulnerable and lost, your life feels unsteady and unsafe. A place you can feel at home is essential. It’s very important to have a good start in life, it’s important to have opportunities to help those that don’t.
A world less focused on greed and the ridiculous ‘elite status mentality’ (racist or cultural or gender or social ‘class’ … or any harmful and degrading areas) and more focused on family, community and sustainability would build a world with less homelessness. Greed of society creates gaps like affordability of housing. Government priorities need to change; invest in healthy minds, healthy attitudes and healthy actions for individuals, families, communities and our country.
Homeless people need a welcoming environment, the mentality needs to change, and we need help that’s not degrading.
Name: Anonymous
Age: 39 Children: 2 Cultural background: Ngarluma-kariyarra Aboriginal woman from the pilyparra, where the salt water meets the fresh water.
She is a softly spoken woman with freckles and a kind face. This is her story:
For all the hardships I have been through in my 39 years, my life is what it is. No matter how painful, confusing and negative issues are at times, I've managed to keep my heart warm with loving thoughts that create a positive balance. Because of family support I've learnt to appreciate my good days in order to survive my bad days. I believe that life is our greatest teacher and we need to learn how to appreciate our inner spirit in order to survive this wicked system that we live in, because for all we take from our mother Earth, we truly need to learn how to give back to her. In order to find a balance while learning how to cope with life's challenges. The universe throws a different experience our way for all the sunrises to come, which we have been equipped with for all the sunsets that have fallen.
Educating ourselves with respect for our mother Earth we are born onto and creating an awareness of each other's feelings is a good remedy to surviving life and creating self respect and respect for others throughout life's journey.
Name: Anonymous Age: 55 Children: 1 daughter
Cultural Background: Anglo Saxon
She came into the room with her cap on her head, black joggers tied up neatly, bright eyes sparkling and a friendly laugh playing melodically in the air. I felt instantly at ease.
This is her story:
I was born in Townsville. My mum and dad lived in Bowen. Mum had a bad time because she was a diabetic and I didn't know my father very well, because we were put in an Endeavour Home, a home for girls and boys. Our parents left us there. We went from home to home. I was split up from my twin when we were eleven and I didn't see her for fifteen years. I had four sisters and one brother. Me and my twin sister are the oldest. It was terrible living in the homes, they were very strict and not very nice to us, we got called a lot of names because we couldn't read or write. We're dyslexic. We were told not to tell anyone about the bad things, they said no one would believe us.
I first experienced homelessness when I was fourteen years old, when my parents shut me out. They said they couldn't handle twins. We had been living with our parents for five years. I went and lived in the Avenue, it's a bit like a shelter. I didn't know the people in there very well, they were all patients. They were all crazy, I looked after some of them. They were very nice to me anyway. My friend told me they were crazy, so I left after three years. That place is haunted you know. I saw a ghost playing a piano one night and I used to get knocks on my door in the middle of the night when no one was there.
My sister left the homes when she was nineteen and I left when I was twenty-one. I went to live with my grandparents, they were the only two I knew who could bring me up. It was the best, I was their carer.
I was married twice. The first time I was married to Harvey, it was a good relationship and one day I invited my girlfriend up one Christmas. She's now married to my husband, I now haven't seen my best, first friend for seventeen years. My second husband, Richard, was a nice guy too, he's the father of my daughter now, I married him when I was forty-one. I was thirty-nine when I had my daughter and I was fifty-one when I moved out on my own. My daughter was taken off me when she was five years old when she was at school. I came to school one day to pick her up and she was gone. I asked the teacher "Why did they take her away? They did not give me a reason why. Since that day I've been thinking about it. I don't know why. I was a good mum to her, a really good mum. When I found out I lost my daughter I tried to committ suicide three times, but it didn't help. I realised that I have a daughter who I need to be there for. After that my husband and I got divorced, because Family Services made me choose between my husband and my daughter and I chose my daughter. He got blamed for something he didn't do. My daughter asked everyday when she was going to see her daddy.
One day we're all going to be united when she's eighteen, it's going to be good. I've rung and rung the Family Services over and over and they never ring me back. I think about my daughter everyday, I love my daughter.
In my forties I had a very lonely time, because I didn't have my daughter and my husband. I just lived on, come to the Women's Centre. They are good, I've been coming here for a long time.
I'm a diabetic, I'm blind in one eye, deaf in my left ear and had three hernias removed. I've been treated really badly, because they don't understand us. Same for my sister, because they don't listen to us. If they just sat down and listened to us, they would understand what we've been through.
I'm now living in a sharehouse and I'm doing pretty well, but I'm waiting for my housing comission flat to come up.
If I had any advice to give to those facing homelessness I'd say: Listen to your heart and go for it, one day you will be happy. Be calm and collected.